So… you’re extra special to the “soon-to-be-wed’s,” and now you’ve been asked to give a wedding toast! First off: Congrats! It’s clear that you mean a great deal to the couple, and not just that, they trust you to get up there and speak on their behalf in front of all of their very nearest and dearest! Gulp! No pressure or anything! 

The most important thing to know about wedding speeches is that the very best ones are both heartfelt and humorous, and possibly the most important thing is that they don’t run on too long! While you might want to do a dive deep into your own memories of and feelings about the couple for the heartfelt bits, zingers and jokes don’t necessarily come naturally to all of us.

So, to help you out in the laughs department, we’ve collected some of our favorite funny wedding toasts and marriage quotes we’ve come across in the MANY weddings we have attended! Feel free to borrow them with great abandon, mix them up as needed, and add a little spark of you to them! 

And, remember, a long winded heartfelt tribute works way better recorded in the wedding card, than it does in front of the whole reception, who might not be in on all the inside jokes and stories you share with the couple.

Cheeky Wedding Toasts And Quotes To Add To Your Wedding Speech

“We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall.” (You could also insert slider bar, open bar, sushi station, ect.)

“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid their problems sound to you.” – Megan Mullally

“Saying ‘I do’ at your wedding is like clicking the ‘I accept’ box any time a new piece of software on your computer or phone asks you to read its terms and conditions: You do it despite having no idea what will come next, but you’re willing to give it a go! So… Congratulations on your marriage, and fine print is for chumps!”

“We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss

“May your children be blessed with rich parents.”

“To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash

“May all of your ups and downs be only on rollercoasters and in the bedroom.”

“The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” – Mac MacGuff in Juno

“As Bill and Ted once said: ‘Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.”

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner